GAN BO ME CON 6 TRE HUNG TINH TIEP C A N PHAN TAM H O C
ThS. Bang Hoang Ngan Nguyln Lan Phycmg
Khoa Tdm ly hgc, Dgi hgc Khoa hgc xd hdi vd Nhdn vdn, Dgi hgc Qud'c gia Hd Ngi.
' TOM T A T
Hdnh vi hung linh ciia tre dugc xem xet trong sit gdn bd me con. Mdi quan he ndy cd SU phdt trien ciing vdi su biet hda cdi Tdi a tre. Tif khdng phdn tdch dugc ddi tugng gdn bd den nhdn ra dttgc bdn thdn Id mgt ca the dgc lap, khoan dung vdi cde hdng hut vd thdy tdi ldi trudc nhitng hdnh vi hung tinh thud ddu ddi, cdi Tdi ciia dita tie dugc hinh thdnh. Thdng qua tie'p can vdi mgt trudng hgp ldm sdng, bdi viet chi ra hung linh Id mgt dgng life de tre' hudng tdi ngudi khdc vd the hien ham mud'n tdch khdi ddi titgng gdn bd nguyen mdu. Cdc yen id' trong su gdn bd ldm xud't hien hdnh vi hung tinh Id tinh todn quyen d ngudi me vd su that the'iiy quyen ngudi cha.
Ttt khoa: Hung tinh; Gdn bd; Biet hda cdi Tdi.
Ngdy nhdn bdi: 5/9/2014; Ngdy duyet ddng bdi: 25/11/2014.
Dat van de
Vai ted khdng the thay thi cua ngudi me trong sy phat trien cua tre ludn dugc khing dinh trong cdc nghien cttu tam ly hgc. Trong quan he me con, sy gdn bd khdng chi dam bao an todn vl mat thi chdt ma cdn anh hudng sau sie de'n loan bd ddi sd'ng tam ly cua tre. Nhttng thdng ddu ddi, tre chtta cd kha nang nhin nhto chinh minh nhtt mdt eo the dgc lap. Qud trinh tdch minh ra khdi md'i quan he cdng sinh vl mat tam tri vdi ngudi me dugc thyc hien tirng budc, vdi sy ehu ddng ttt ca vl phia ngudi me ldn dtta con. Qua trinh phan tdch ndy khdng lam mdt di su gin bd md ngugc lai, sy gin bd me con dugc phan anh trong edeh dtta tee nhin nhan vl chinh minh va xay dung quan he vdi cdc dd'i tugng khdc.
Do su anh httdng to Idn nay md khi md'i quan he me con xuat hien nhflng vdn dl khd khto thi cung la Ittc ddi sd'ng tam ly cua tre cd the mdt cto bing, gap cac rd'i nhilu, tdn thuong. Mdt trong nhflng rd'i nhilu dd la vide xudt hidn cdc htoh vi hung ti'nh d tre. Trong nghidn cttu ndy, cbung tdi xem xet hdnh vr hung tinh nhu la bilu hien cua tdn thuang tam tri, phan anh trang thai khdng an todn cua chinh chii thi, xudt hien do nhilu nguydn nhan, trong dd cd vdn dl vl sy
70 TAPCHiTAMLyHOC,Sdl2(189), 12-2014
gin bd me eon. Oittng tdi se di tim cau tra ldi cho ede eau hdi Hung tinh cd y nghTa gl ddi vdi tre'? Ye'u to ndo trong gdn bd me - con ldm xudt hien hdnh vi hung tinh? thdng qua nghidn cttu mdt tradng hgp lam sang.
Co sd ly thuye't
/ . Tiep can phdn tdm ve hung tinh
Hung tinh la chu dl dugc quan tam nghien cuu rdng rai, thudng dugc coi la bilu hidn cua eac khd khto tam ly. Ngudi cd hung tinh gay ra tdn thuong cho ngudi khae nhung cung dang phai chiu dung cdc tdn thttong. Mgi hdnh vi diu hihi ly, vay, hung tinh va hanh vi hung ti'nh cd y nghia gi vdi chu thi? Nguydn gdc latin eua ttt hung tinh la "ad-gredere" nghTa li "di vl phia", hay rgng hon la "budc vao md'i lien hd". Trong y nghia nguydn gdc cua ttt, hung ti'nh dttgc hilu la mfit luc ddy khid'n con ngttdi httdng ra ben ngodi, httdng den sy gap gd vdi ngudi khdc vd vu try. Tid'n triln cua cac luto dilm phto tam hgc vl hung tinh cd nhung yd'u tfi hudng dd'n y nghTa nay cua khai niem hung ti'nh.
Adler (1908) cho ring hung ti'nh la mdt xung nang, bdc phdt khi nhttng ddng CO chinh ylu khdc, du la ddng co gi, hi mdt quyln kilm sodt va phai phue tung xung nang hung tinh nay. ")(ung ndng hung tinh - gid'ng nhu mgi logi xung ndng khdc - cd the thdm nhdp vdo y thdc dudi dgng thiic trong ldnh vd thdng hoa /.../ hodc chd'ng lgi chu the hay chuyen dich sang nhitng muc dich khdc"
[6, tr. 21]. Nhu vay, hung tinh cd d ta't ca mgi ngttdi va vdn dang dttgc bgc Id ra ben ngoai dudi nhiing dang thttc khdc nhau. Adler (1908) cho rdng trong mdi chttng ta diu cd mat ylu dt nfl tinh va xu httdng trd nen hung ban, dto ap, manh me nam tinh dl vugt qua eac mac cam. Adler cung coi hung tinh nhu mdt hinh thttc ddu tranh d l thi'ch nghi vdi nhung nhiem vu khd khan trong cudc sd'ng va la mdt phuang thttc de ty khang dinh ban than.
Cha de cua thuylt phan tam, Freud (1920) cho ring, ban chdt con ngudi Id su phd buy, hung tinh thude ve bto ntog ben trong d mdi ngudi, bdt ngudn ttt xung ntog ehe't. Stt thdt vgng, ctog thing xuat hidn khi nguydn tic thda man khdng dugc dap ttng khie'n cho hung ti'nh xuat hien dl xoa diu tinh trang cang thing. Hung tinh xuat hidn nhu mdt co cbe lam gitoi bdt, xoa diu tinh trang ctog thing nay. Trong cud'n "Dau khd trong nin vto minh" (1929), dng da ndi ve nhu cdu hung tinh nhu sau: "Con ngudi thifc te cd xu hudng thda man nhu cdu hung tinh cua minh lin nhitng ngudi xung quanh, bdc lot edng s&c cita ngudi khdc md khdng trd cdng, sii dung ngudi khdc mdt cdch tinh due md khdng edn su chdp thudn, chiem dogt cdc gid tri, ldm be mat ngudi khdc, hdnh hg vd huy diet" [Fiatte, te. 77]. Ban ddu Freud eho rdng, hung tinh an bdn trong cac xung nang tinh due vd bto nang sinh tdn d mdi ngudi, dugc thuc bidn nhim mue dieh chie'm ITnh thi gidi bdn ngodi. Quan dilm nay tid'n triln ddn vd kd't qua Id dng chu y dd'n hai teang thai co bto dd'i lap cua con ngudi la tinh ydu va
TAP CHI TAM Ly HOC, Sfi 12 (189), 12-2014 71
Idng bto thu. Ong cho rdng, Idng thtt hta cd ttt trade, bdt ngudn ttt bto ntog sinh tdn vd gin lien vdi xung ntog buy diet d ngudi, ma Freud ggi la xung nang chit. Hung tinh chinh Id sy bdc Id ra bdn ngoai cua xung nang chit. Nhttng xung nang nay thay vi hudng vao trong, se hudng ra eac dd'i tugng bdn ngoai.
TTieo y tudng nay, hung tinh dugc coi nhtt la mdt dilu edn thie't, bdi nd'u nhttng xung ntog chd't tdn tai qud lau ben trong, nd se dto den su tu huy hoai ban than.
Dya tren cap ludng nguydn ydu vd bto, Winnieott (1960) da dua khdi nidm hung tinh trd thdnh mgt trong nhttng khdi nidm trang tam trong ly thuylt phto tam cua dng. Hung tinh Id mdt phto eua tinh yeu. Tinh yeu trd thanh sy tdn cdng tudng tugng (dd'i vdi CO the ngudi me, ngudi khdc hay chinh tre). Tre khdng cd teach nhiem vdi nhiing hanh ddng nay bdi nd chtta bill ring nd la ngttdi cd trach nhidm. Khi dtta tre ldn dto, nd cd kha ntog cam nhto sy tdi ldi.
"Mdt dica tre khde mgnh chiu dung dugc cdm gide tdi ldi, vd vi the chiu dung dugc viic minh cd tdi vd hung tinh. Titdd, nd cd khd ndng khdm phd nhitng nhu cdu riing cda minh ve xdy dung vd siia chita" [13, tr. 1] nhiing hanh vi tdi ldi.
Nhu vay, hung tinh la cdn thid't dd'i vdi sy phdt trien. Hung tinh cd hai y nghTa, mdt Id stt phan ttng lai vdi htog byt, hai la ngudn nang lugng chinh dd'i vdi ca Ihl. Ludn ludn tdn tai mdt md'i lidn he gitta hung tinh va thdi diem ma dtta tre phan biet cai gi Id ban nga va cdi gi khdng phai ban nga, qua dd phan biet dttgc ehi'nh minh va mdi trttdng xung quanh: "Umg ndng libido nguyin thiiy cd tinh phd huy ngay cd khi muc dich cda dira tre khdng nhdm vdo viic phd phdch /.../
mdi trudng dugc khdm phd vd Id mdt trdi nghiim cua cd nhdn" [10, tr. 88].
Nhu vay, hung ti'nh ttt quan dilm phan tam hge mang ti'nh hidn sinh, cdn thid't cho sy phdt triln cdi Tdi, nhim bao vd ed nhan khdi sy tu pha huy, hudng tdi nhto bill ngudi khac, tim kilm ban nga thuc ciia minh. Sjhto ra tdi ldi ttt hanh vi hung tinh Id khdi ddu cua vi6c xay dyng trttdng thtoh va stta chtta.
2. Tiep can phdn tdm ve gan bd me con
Chu dl gdn bd me eon duge nghien cttu thyc nghidm ttt nhflng nam 30 eua thi ki trade (Spizt & Wolf, 1935; Homey, 1937), tuy nhidn, nhttng nghien cttu rttt ra ttt thyc t l lam sang da dttgc phto tam hgc dl cap rdt sdm thdng qua Iy thuylt quan he dd'i tugng: "Quan hi giiia bdn thdn vd ngudi khde dugc dieu phd'i bdi cdc xung ndng" [8, tr. 404]. NhOng phan tich ddu tidn ciia Freud (1895) cho ring nhttng quan he dd'i tugng nguydn thuy cd kha nang dilu khiln nhthg mdi quan he trong tuong lai vd tao ra eac tridu chttng hysteric. Freud (1926) khtog dinh: "Cdc trgng thdi xiic cdm thdng thudng dugc dua vdo tdm tri vdi tu cdeh Id cdc trdm tich eua nhiing trdi nghiim sang chdn xua cd, sau dd dugc sd'ng lgi thdnh cdc bieu tugng tri nhd trong cdc tinh hud'ng tuang tif' [9, tr. 8]. Bilu tugng ban ddu ma dtta tre cd vl dd'i tttgng eham sde cua minh khdng phai la ddu dn duy nhdt ma dugc bidt hda ddn. Song song vdi sy bidt hda dd'i
72 TAPCHiTAMLyHpC,Sdl2(189), 12-2014
tugng eham sde la qua teinh bidt hda cai Tdi. Trong nhimg ngay thang ddu ddi, tre khdng nhto bid't dugc ranh gidi gitta ban than va dd'i tugng, nd chi cd nhto cam vl sy thda man hay bang hut. Tre sinh ra ehua nhto bid't dugc ngudi me, do dd, dd'i tugng ddu tidn ma tre hudng tdi la bdu vtt me. Day Id bilu tugng cua ngudi me vd eung la bieu tugng eua loan bd nhiing gi xung quanh tre. De'n thang thtt ba, tre mdi hinh thtoh y niem, tuy vdn khdng rd rang vl mdt dd'i tttgng mang tinh bd phto, khdng loan thi ed kha nang thda man cac nhu cdu eua minh. Din thang thtt sdu, tre phdt trien md'i quan he cdng sinh dac thu vdi ngttdi me cd tinh chdt tttong dd'i dde lap vdi nhung cam gide thda man hay khd ehju. Do cd sy phdt triln cua cac chttc nang tam vto ddng, tre dto ddn cd kha ntog di chuyin tdch xa ngudi me va y thttc dttgc klia nang xa each. Day la giai doan ma tre dfing thdi cam nhto su thi'ch thu va ndi lo hai. Laean (1949) dat tdn cho giai doan 6 - 1 8 thdng nay Id giai doan guong - "nin tdng cd'u thdnh chiic ndng cdi Tdi" [7, tr. 93]. Ttt thdng 20 trd di, ede chttc nang nhto thttc da phdt triln d mttc dd phtte tap ban, bilu hidn thdng qua giao tid'p cho phep tre nhto ra tinh dde lap eua dd'i tugng cham sdc cung nhu cac dac dilm ti'eh eye va tidu eye eua dd'i tugng nay, sau dd, tre ddn ddn cd duge kha nang khoan dung vdi cae dac dilm trdn d dd'i tugng cham sdc md Mahler (1967) ggi la tinh cam ydu va ban.
Vdi phan tam hgc, chdt lugng md'i quan hd me con ludn Id trung tam cua sy phdt triln con ngudi: 'Tii'm ndng bdm sinh cua mdt dua tre khdng thi' trd thdnh mdt dda tre thuc su ni'u nd bi chia tdch khdi su chdm sdc ctia ngudi me"
[12, tr. 243]. Chinh vi the ma Winnieott (1971) da dua ra khdi nidm ngudi me du tfit "Ngudi ddp dng mdt cdch chu ddng vdi nhung nhu cdu ciia diia con. Su ddp ting chii ddng ndy gidm ddn, cdng vdi su tdng cudng ciia diia tre' trong viic dd'i diin v&i sif gidm ddp itng vd khoan dung vdi ket c/ud ctia nhiing hdng hut"
[II, tr. 42]. Nhtt vay, dd'i vdi Winnieott, gin bd httdng dd'n each ngudi me hay ngudi eham sdc thu hep ddn su thda mto tuydt dd'i vdi dtta tre, dl tre chip nhan dugc bang hut va budc vao cudc sd'ng thyc tl.
Cung vdi thuylt tap tinh hgc, phan tam hgc Id mdt trong hai co sd de John Bowlby (1969) xay dyng ndn ly thuyet gdn bd. Tuy vay, khdng ddng nhat vdi phan tam hge khi eho ring quan hd dd'i tugng cd tinh chat bdm sinh ngay ttt khi dtta tre ra ddi, dttgc biet hda ddn thdng qua cde dang thttc cdu tnic tam tri la quan hd hgp nha't (fusionnelle), quan he phu thude (anaclytique) va quan hd sinh dye (ginitale), Bowlby (1969) coi gdn bd dugc hinh thanh trong tuong tdc gitta tre va me. Gdn bd duge thi hidn thdng qua cdc hdnh vi ndm ngodi y nghTa sinh dudng hay tinh due. Gin bd la mgt tap ti'nh bto nang nhdm hudng tdi sy gdn gui cua ngttdi me dtoh cho tre "gid'ng nhu td't cd cdc dgng hdnh vi khie'n cho mdt cd nhdn dgt dugc vd duy tri su gdn gdi vdi ngudi khdc /.../ thdng thudng khii'n cho cd nhdn dy dugc nhin nhdn nhu cd the mgnh han hay khdn
TAPCHiTAMLyHpC,Sfil2(189), 12-2014 73
ngoan han" [3, tr. 203]. Cdc rd'i loan lidn quan dd'n gin bd la do su sai Ideh trong cdc md hinh boat ddng bdn trong. Md hinh boat ddng bdn trong khdng dya trdn bilu tttgng, khai nidm vl eai Tdi vd vl ngudi khac ma dua trdn su ttng phd. Chang ban, gdn bd lo au la do tre vdn cd duy tri sy gin bd vdi ngttdi cd hanh vi ttt chdi tre.
Trong nghien cttu nay, chttng tdi s i dung tie'p eta phto tam hgc dl xem xlt stt gin bd me eon d tre hung tinh. Dilu dd cd nghTa Id quan tam din khia canh bidt hda edi Tdi cua tre, coi md'i quan hd gdn bd me - con la ngudn khdi phat cde xung ddt cung nhu cdc ylu tfi can bdng d tre, khdng phai each ttng phd cung nhtt myc dich tap tinh hgc md tre httdng tdi. Chttng tdi se khdng nhin nhan hung tinh va cdc hdnh vi hung tinh vdi tu cdch Id each ttng phd vdi nhttng dilu khdng duge thda mto ciia tre, ma tim hilu y nghia cua hung tinh vd hdnh vi hung tinh trong qud trinh hinh thtoh eai Tdi eua tre, gin bd me - con cd dac dilm gi khie'n cho dtta tre lya chgn hdnh vi hung tinh nhu mdt phucfng thttc tdn tai cda bto than thdng qua mdt trudng hgp lam sdng.
Phuong phap nghien cuu
Phucfng phdp nghien cttu trudng hgp duge stt dung dl phto tieh y nghTa cila hung tinh, cdc ylu tfi trong mdi quan he gin bd me - con dd'i vdi mfit trudng hgp be trai 10 tudi cd ede hdnh vi hung tinh. Chttng tdi tilp xuc vdi than chu tai phdng khdm tam Iy - giao due trong mdt thdng ttt thdng 3/2014 den thdng 4/2014, mdi tudn mdt budi trong khudn khd quan sat qua trinh tri lieu eua nha tam ly tai eo sd vdi tre. Hai edng eu duge stt dyng Id quan sat va phan tich tranh ve. Quan sdt cua chttng tdi tap trung vao ldi ndi cua tre trong qua trinh tri heu, ed ngdn ngtt ldn phi ngdn ngtt. Nha tam Iy tai co sd hdi ehuydn mang tinh ty do nhimg vdi muc dich tim hieu cac hinh thttc tre bieu hidn sy hung tinh, tim hieu cam nhto cua tre vl ban thto trong cdc md'i quan hd gia dinh, ban be, giup tre bdc Id ede mong mud'n thdng qua Idi ndi. Vide hdi chuyen cung dugc tiln htoh vdi ngudi me dl hilu qud trinh phdt triln, cdc md'i quan he eua tre, ddng thdi tim hilu vl su nudi dudng vl mat tam tri ma me danh cho tre. De hd trg viec tre ndi duge nhflng mong mud'n cung nhu lo hai ciia ban than, hinh thttc ve tranh ty do va ve hinh ngttdi dugc stt dung nhu mdt
"phuang thitc trung gian giita viic chai vd viec ndi" [1, te. 1]. Bdn canh gid tri can thidp lam stog, phan tich kit qua ttt hai cdng cu diu httdng dd'n muc dich nghidn cuu cbung Id tim ra cdc dtt kidn de phan tich stt bidt hda cdi Tdi d tre.
Ke't qua nghien ciiru trudng hgp
Thto chu Minh', sinh nam 2004, dang hgc Idp 4 tai mdt tradng tilu hgc tu thuc. Ly do me dua Minh dd'n trang tam can thidp each day hai nam xudt
' Tan ciia than chu va cac nhan vat d^u da duoc thay d6i.
74 TAPCHfTAMLyH{?C,Sfil2(l89), 12-2014
phdt ttt sy kidn Minh ddy mdt ngttdi ban xud'ng hd rdi cudi thi'ch thtt, bdn canh dd, cdc Iy do me dua ra la tee boat ddng nhilu, chu y kem, ke't qua hgc tap khdng td't vd ed ede hanh vi hung tinh. Tre timg nghi cto thidp mdt nam khi me tha'y ed tid'n triln, nhtmg vao nam ldp ba, do ed sy thay ddi cd gido ehu nhidm, cd giao nghidm khdc hcfn, ghet, thudng xuydn phat Minh ndn tre thudng td ra h Igm, ngay nao cung danh ban, me lai dtta Minh dd'n trung tam can thidp. Bdn budi can thidp cua nhd tam ly tai co sd vdi Minh gittp ehung tdi - vdi ttt each la nhung ngudi quan sdt vd phan tich thu dugc nhflng kd't qua nhu sau.
y nghia cda hdnh vi hung tinh
Minh Id mdt cto be cd gigng ndi trdm khto, khdng bdc Id nhilu cam xuc ra bdn ngodi, each ndi chuyen kha cbiing ehac so vdi tudi. Me Minh ke ring d nha Minh rdt ngoan, nhudng nhin em gdi 3 tudi nhttng khi tdi tradng thi td ra hung han, trimg mdt, gio ndm ddm va ddnh ban. Minh tu nhto xet minh hay ddnh ban hdi Idp 2, 3, bay gid It hon vi "con gdy han nin chdng muH'n ddnh nhau nita" (Minh, budi gap ngdy 8/3). Minh ndi ring, minh cam tha'y gito khi bi cdc ban trdu, Ittc cd gido dga cho nghi hgc thi cac ban "yeah" vui mttng "vi d ldp bgn ndo chd ghet con". Nhttng dilu ddu tidn Minh ndi vl hdnh vi hung tinh ciia minh xoay xung quanh chu dl quydn lyc sttc manh va tinh ydu.
Cau ehuydn ddu tidn tre kl ve vide minh ddnh nhau la khi mdt em Idp dudi cdm gay ehoi, ddnh vao tay tre dang edm sung lam sung roi xudng hdng.
Minh ttte gito, chay nhanh nhdt ed the danh manh vao dau em, em khdc. Minh chay ra xem sung cd ldm sao khdng, khdng cdn quan tam dd'n em kia. Minh ndi ring em dd hay trdu ldp ldn ndn hay bi danh. Nhu vBy, hai ddn ehung cua Minh vl cam xuc khd chiu mud'n phan khang d em diu lidn quan dd'n vide ngudi khdc gay tdn thuong cho em trade. Dd'i dien vdi nhflng bing byt dd, Minh chua ed dugc kha nang khoan dung vdi cdc ke't qua cua bing hut (Winnieott, 1971). Sy khoan dung trudc hdng hut ed lien quan den cam gide tdi ldi sau hanh vi hung ti'nh ma Winnieott (I960) tttng de cap. Trong giai doan sdm cua sy phat teiin, dtta tre khdng cd cam gide tdi ldi vi khdng bill ring minh cd trach nhiem dd'i vdi ngudi khde. Vao budi gap ngdy 8/3, trudc cau hdi cua nha tam ly vl cam xuc cua Minh khi cdc ban treu, Minh ndi: "Con ram rdm, phdn Ung bdng cdch ddnh lai. Con cdn bgn khdc vi bgn treu. Con thdy cdc bgn chay mdu, nhiim triing Con cdm thdy binh thudng"; "Con thdy binh thudng, vui vi xd dugc gidn", khi cde ban dm nghi d nha, "Con vdn thdy vui, thd'y binh thudng"-
Mac du tre ludn ndi ring minh vui, binh thudng nhung se khdng cd dilu gi ggi la "binh thttcmg" trong trai nghidm nlu nhtt chu the da tttng trai qua cac cam giac "khdng binh thttdng" khac. Lidu thuc sy tre thay thoai mdi vdi nhiing dilu minh ldm hay vdn edn cd thdng didp khac? Cung trong budi gap ndy, Minh kl vl cau ehuydn md tre da dugc nghe cd gido kl tudn trudc ve mdt cau
TAPCHiTAMLyHOC,Sfil2{l89), 12-2014 75
be dau tranh tam ly dl quyd't dmh xem ndn Idy hay khdng ldy edi tdu cua mdt ngudi khdc ma cau rat thich. Minh ndi: "Con thdy con gid'ng cgu be. Con cd ddu tranh tdm ly. Nhung md con khdng gidng d diem cdi xdu todn thdng... Cd luc con hien, luc con dc. Lite con dc nhieu hcfn, suy nghi sai nhii'u hem dung"
Minh ndi thdm: "Chd cd ai sinh ra Id khdng chiu dugc dau ddn. Con nghi ai cung the. Ddm dd may thi ve sau ede bgn cung dau ddn han. Trong phim hinh nhu ngudi ta ndi thi. Ve sau khdng phdi eon ldm dau, cdc bgn ciing se chiu nhiiu dau ddn khdc nhu mdt dd, gdy tay, gdy chdn... [ngimg mdt luc]
Nhung thue ra eon eung ehd mud'n ldm the mdy, tgi cdc bgn triu con qud", Khi tre ndi dugc ve dilu minh khdng mud'n lam, vl dilu gi Id sai, tre da cd y thttc vl dilu tdi ldi. "Cdm gide tdi ldi xudt hiin khi su huy diet dang chuyen dgng thdnh sif xdy difng" [4, tr. 61]. Cau hdi dat ra Id dilu gi dang dugc xay dyng d tre?
O budi gap thtt hai, ngdy 15/3, Minh thi hidn thdi dd ttt hao vd ndi ring trong mgi cudc ddu, Minh ludn la ngudi chid'n thing. Tre ndi ring nd'u dugc dao didn bd phim d tradng hgc, Minh se cho kd't thuc Id Minh thing. Trong bd phim do minh dao didn, tre mud'n lam "nhdn vgt trd thd vi nd dgc biit. Dd Id nhdn vdt vda td't vita xdu". Theo Minh, tra thu nhflng ngudi lam minh budn thi khdng ed gi xdu. Cdch Minh tra thu cdc ban theo tri tudng tugng cua em Id se "xu ly"
tttng ngudi theo eac cdch khdc nhau. "Bgn Linh keo be kio phdi triu con. Con mud'n ddnh nhd't. Me khdng cho sii dung sung, ni'u khdng thi eon dd mang di bdn bgn". Minh the hidn cam giac thich thu khi ldm ngudi chid'n thdng, nhung ddng thdi ngdm thdng bdo ve mdt md'i quan hd Id thude ma em hi chi phd'i; em cd thi thdng mgi ngudi, nhung khdng bao gid vugt qua uy quyln cua me. Em huydn tudng ring minh rdt khde, cdn cae ban rdt yd'u. Huydn tudng vl sttc manh vd nhu cdu phep mau d tre em cd chttc nang eho tre khung tham chilu dl hilu vl thi gidi "ngay cd khi thuc te'khd khdn, hay khdng tudng, ehung ta vdn cd the nghi ve mdt the gidi khde vdi thuc tgi - dii'u ndy dge biit diing vdi tie em" [2, tr. 64]. Cang huyln tudng va ty hao trong Idi ndi, tam tri tre cdng mang ntog nhttng ylu tfi bdt lyc chtta dttgc thda man.
Trd ehoi la mdt phttong tidn trung gian gittp tre bieu dat mdt cdch bilu tugng tam tri cua minh. Minh ehoi xd'p hinh, em tao dyng nhan vat robot theo bd phim em rdt thich. Chi tilt quan trgng nhdt dd'i vdi Minh la con robot nay da ddnh bai eon robot manh nhdt. Ham mud'n cd tinh nhidu tam dugc thi hidn rdt rd: tidu diet ke dttng ddu. Huyln tudng cua Minh truyin tai thdng diep ngdm dn ring chinh Minh mdi la ngudi bi mdt quyln uy manh hon de nen va dang tim cdch thodt khdi. Minh ndi rdng minh thich cd bidt danh la Kid'n vl dd'i vdi Minh, kid'n la loai vat khde manh, doto kd't, kidn tri. Huydn tudng vl sttc manh vttgt ldn trdn ngttdi khdc, nhung hinh anh mong dgi dugc ddng nhdt cua tre lai Id con vat mang ti'nh tap thi vd bin bi. Bdn trong tre cam nhto sy ed don va ddng thdi ham mud'n cam giac dugc ydu thttOng vd chip nhto. Minh timg ndi
76 TAPCHiTAMLyHpC,Sfil2(189), 12-2014
trong budi ddu tidn la em cd hai ban nam ma em ddnh gid tdt trong ldp, khi Choi cung nhdm thi em khdng ddnh nhau va cam thdy rdt vui. Gia thuydt vl dilu dang dttgc xay dyng trong tee cd the la mong mudn httdng dd'n vdi cac dd'i tttgng bdn ngoai va dugc chdp nhan gia tri ban thto.
Gid tri ban than eua tre nhu the ndo? Tranh ve hinh ngttdi eho cbung ta thdm mdt vdi hilu bid't ve tre.
Minh ndi day Id hinh anh ma em mud'n trd thtoh sau ndy. Em ndi ring em dang ehoi da bdng. Day Id mgt boat ddng tap thi, nhimg em ve chi cd mdt minh, mdt ldn ntta Minh lai cfi ndi vdi cbung ta vl sy ed don cua em. Tre ve ban than d gdc phai phia dttdi td gidy (de rd hon vl vi tri ve, xin hay xem tranh ve ben dudi), quay mat vl ben trai noi cd mat trdi ldn td dd ro rdng. Bfi cue nay thd hidn tre thidn vl hinh anh ngttdi cha, nhung lai nhin ve phia qua khtt, noi cd ngudi me. Sy xung ddt gifla ddng nhdt vdi cha vd gdn kit vdi me cd thi Id ndi ban tam cua tre. Mdt sfi chi tilt nhu tdc nhgn, gidy cd dinh phia dudi, hga tidt ddu lau thi hien sy phd truong sttc manh. Nhimg chile kinb den lai cd thi Id su cbe gidu hinh anh that ve ban than.
Tre tie'p tuc ve ve mdt ngay ty do:
Tre ndi vl boat ddng da tide d trudng, mdt boat ddng cd tinh tap thi va gin kd't xa hdi, nhung ndi dung tranh thi gdn nhu chi cd tre dang d mdt minh.
Ddng chtt y la d cdc tranh tre cd mdt minh, kilu tdc tre ve cd su khac bidt, thu ggn phto gai nhgn, trong khi d tranh cung 11:00 vd 4:00, xudt hidn bdng hinh anh hay thdng qua ldi ndi nhto vat khac thi tre lai ve ban than cd kilu tdc gai nhgn nhu hinh ve ban thto trade dd.
TAP CHiTAM Ly HPC Sfi 12 (189), 12 - 2014 77
Ttt nhflng phto tieh trdn, cd thi ndi J nghTa htoh vi hung tinh cua Minh httdng tdi bao vd edi Tdi, khd khoan dung vdi nhflng htog hut, tim kid'm quyln luc va mdu hinh ddng nhdt.
. « ; ^f-^-'^^ ^
! 1
f; : L%::
^ l •..;- rt-,!;-
Sifgdn bd vd cdi Toi cda tre
Minh sd'ng eung gia dinh vdi me vd em gdi 3 tudi, bd cua Minh di cdng tdc d miln Nam, thudng xuydn xa nha kl ttt khi Minh ba tudi radi, khoang 3 - 4 tuan bfi mdi vl nha mgt Idn. Theo me kl, kl ttt thdi dilm bfi xa nha, Minh bit ddu cd bilu hien uong budng, hung hto, khdng nghe ldi. Vao thdi dilm 3 tudi, tre em trai bdt ddu budc vao giai doan ddng nhdt vdi bfi dl chiem httu tinh yeu ttt phia me. Viec thttdng xuyen xa bd vd d hoto toto vdi me cd thi khid'n eho Minh gap khd khan khi vugt qua xung ddt cua thcri ki OEdipe nay do gia dinh da thie'u vdng ngudi bfi - ngttdi gitt vai trd chia tdch hai me con. Chttc nang chia tdch eua ngudi bfi khfing chi thyc hidn vdi dtta tee ma cdn phai thyc hidn vdi ngttdi me ntta. Ngttdi bd xudt hidn trong Idi ndi eua ngudi me vdi con minh, tuy vay, hinh anh ngudi bfi rdt md nhat, tre It nhdc dd'n bd, me nhic dd'n bd' vdi dai ttt mang tinh ldn ldn khdng phan tach giua chi va chdng: "bd me". Thi nhttng, tinh xde dinh gidi va ddng nhdt vdi cdc hinh anh nam tinh cua Minh rdt Idn.
Viee ngudi bfi hoac mdt ngudi nam gidi thay thi (fing, chu, b d c . ) ean thi6p vao vto dl eua Minh cd thi la mfit hudng gittp khd khto tam ly cua em dttgc giam bdt.
78 TAP CHiTAM Ly HOC, Sfi 12 (189), 12 - 2014
Tie'p xuc ban ddu khiln cbung tdi nhto thay me cua Minh la mdt phu ntt nhay cam vdi vto dl cua eon minh, ehi khdng mud'n ai nhic din vd khdng mud'n ndi din vdn dl cua Minh, chi rdt sg ngutri khdc coi con minh la dtta tre
"hi benh". Nhu vay, ngudi me dang phai chiu dyng sy xung ddt: duy tri hinh anh dtta con Iy nrdng nhu mong mud'n trong tam tri (phu dinh khd khto tam lyi cua Minh), mat khac, mud'n Minh trd thdnh dtta tre khac (dua Minh din can thiep tam ly dl thay ddi). Mdt gia thuyet khdc ma chttng tdi chtta cd nhilu thdng tin de phto tich, chinh Id ve su cd don cua Minh. Lidu cd mdi lidn he giiia sy cd don cua ngttdi me (ngai trao ddi cac gid tri, sg ngttdi khdc pha vd bieu tugng tam tri cua minh) dfii vdi sy cd don cua eon?
Ngudi me dam nhiem hd vai trd eua ngttdi cha trong vide udn nin con.
O nha Minh rat nghe Idi, ydu quy em gdi vi vtta sg me nghiem khic, vtta mud'n ldm hdi ldng me: "(7 nhd nhieu ngudi con yiu quy, cdn d lap khdng ai yiu quy, chi mud'n ddnh cdc bgn rdi bd di chai" (Minh, budi gap ngdy 5/4/2014); Minh chip bai, ldm bdi vl nha vi khdng mud'n me chd dgi khi me mud'n Minh thay ddi, gid'ng nhu "khi minh phdi chd dgi mdt mdn dd ndo do, ni'u lau serdt khd chiu" (Minh, budi gap ngdy 15/3). Khia eanh tinh yeu va bto thu md Freud (1920) ndi dd'n thi hidn ro trong hdnh vi hung tinh. VI bl mat, hdnh vi hung tinh hudng tdi hto thu va sy phd buy: ldm dau cac ban. Nhung ding sau dd, hdnh vi hung tinh hudng tdi tinh ydu: do cd sy kem thich nghi hge dudng ndn Minh khie'n me chtt y din em hcfn, ngudi me duge the hien su kilm soat md chi mud'n. Chi cd thdi quen chi cho Minh cdn lam nhflng gi, cac ciu hdi khi gap eon Id "Hdm nay a Idp cd ddnh ai khdngT', hoac "Hdm nay a Idp cd ldi gi khdngT'. Chi khdng thtta nhan gia tri khde eua Minh, nhtt khi em cd gdng va dttgc hgc sinh gidi, chi ndi dd chi la "to may". Qua co cbe' dd, tre nhan ra ring sy quan tam va tinh yeu cua me den ttt hanh vi hung ti'nh cua minh, tre tid'p nhan gid tei dd va bid'n thtoh ban sdc ciia minh. Tuy vay, cau hdi vl cdi Tdi dugc dat ra. Mdt khi tre thi hidn suy nghT vl cai xdu, ve sy tdi Idi, tre da nhto ra dilu gi thude vl ban nga cua minh. Ban nga gia hung tinh cd khoang each vdi bto nga ed don, them mud'n sttc manh, dilu dd ldm tre lo au va cang khd khoan dung vdi eac hdng hut hon.
Sy khoan dung vdi cdc hdng hut khdi ngudn ttt vide ngttdi me tao ra mdi trudng chuyin ddi vdi tre (Winnieott, 1971). Trong mdi tradng ay, ngudi me cto giam sy bidn bflu cua minh, rut di cudng do dap ung nhu cau cua tre, de ttt dd tre tim kilm vd tim thdy dd'i tttgng ehuyin ddi. Neu cap gin bd me - con dugc duy tei cd tinh phu thugc nhu trudng hgp cua Minh - dtta con khdi phdt rd'i nhidu dl thda man ham mudn dugc cd mat bdn con, kilm sodt con vd ydu eon theo each me mud'n - thi tre se cdn gap nhilu khd khto khi khdng phan tdeh tam tri khdi ngudi me dl trd thanh chu the dde lap. D l cai Tdi dugc hinh thanh, dtta tre phai bid't ndi khdng vdi ham mud'n todn quyln cua ngudi me.
TAPCHiTAMLyHpC,S612(189), 12-2014 79
Ket luan
Nhu vay, ddng sau cSu ehuydn ve dtta tre hung tinh, khdng chi cd nhttng tdn thuang md cdn ed tinh ydu. Tinh ydu va sy luu luyd'n vdi md'i quan hd khdng phan tdch ddu ddi khie'n cho dua con mud'n lam hai long ngudi me toan quyln. Nhung ddng thdi, xu hudng "di ve phia ngudi khac" theo dttng ngtt nghTa cua ttt hung tinh trong tid'ng latin "ad-gredere" khid'n tre ham mud'n duge each xa khdi vdng tay ciia me va tao dyng nhflng gia tti ddng nhdt vdi cha. Tre cd the khoan dung vdi nhttng hdng hut ma ngudi bdn ngodi gia dinh gay ra cho minh khi bdt ddu dugc gia dinh trao cho quyln dugc hdng hut. Hay ndi cdch khdc, tre bit ddu bill ydu md'i quan he bdn ngodi khi bat ddu bill hta md'i quan he ben trong gia dinh. Dd Id ndi hta thu cto thilt (Jeammet, 1995) hay bao lyc can ban (Bergeret, 2000) mang tinli xay dyng dfii vdi cai Tdi eua chu the. Hanh vi hung tinh do dd cd y nghTa bidt hda cai Tdi va hudng ra bdn ngoai. Ngudi me ed vai trd quan trgng trong gin bd me con, cd thi gittp tre ndi khdng vdi ham mud'n toto quyln eiia me bing cdch chdp nhto stt xa each con va stt khde bidt d tre. Dilu dd dttgc thye hien thdng qua chttc nang chia tdeh cua ngudi cha. Cau ehuyen ve tre hung tinh dn chtta ca tinh toan quyen cua me va stt that the eua uy quyln ngudi cha - cac yd'u to lam xudt hidn htoh vi hung tinh.
Tai lieu trich dan
1. Anzieu A, Barbey L., Bemard-Nez J., Daymas S., Le travail du dessin en psychotherapie de I'enfant, Paris: Dunod, 2008.
2. Bettelheim B., Psychanalyse des conies defies, Paris: Robert Laffont, 1976.
3. Bowlby J., "The making and breaking of affectional bonds I. Aetiology and Psychopathology in the light of attachment theory", British Journal of Psychiatry, n°
130, p. 201-210, 1977.
4. Buzyn E., Qiiand I'enfant nous delivre du passe, Paris; Odile Jacob, 2011.
5. Fiatte C, "Pulsion d'agression: de la mise en acte d la representation", Imaginaire
& Inconseient, 2005/2 (n° 16), p. 77 - 87, 2005.
6. Kauffman P., L'apport freudien, elements pour une encyclopedie de la psychanalyse, Paris: Larousse, 1998.
7. Laean J., Ecrits, Paris: Le Seuil, 1966.
8. Laplanche J., Pontalis J.B., Vocabulaire de la psychanalyse, Paris: Presses Universitaires de France, 2007.
9. Tremear M., Les relations d'objet, la dualite anaclytique-introjective et lew- relation avec les symptoms depressifs, Luto an tidn si, Khoa Tam ly hgc, Trudng Khoa hoc Xa hoi, Dai hoc Laval, Quebec, 2010.
80 TAP CHiTAM Ly HOC, Sfi 12 (189), 12 - 2014
10. Roudevitch M., "L 'histoire d'Alban. Role et devenir de I'agressivite au service de la verticalite en kinesitherapie", La lettre de I'enfance et de 1'adolescence, n° 76, p. 83 - 89, 2009.
11. ^'\nmco\XD.,Jeu et realite, Paris; Gallimard, 2009.
12. Winnicon D., The theory of the parent-infant relationship in maturational processes and the facilitating environment. New York: International Universities Press, 1960.
13. "Winnieott", http-llpsychiatriinfirmierefree.frtinfirmieretformaiionlp.sychiatriel enfantltherapielwinnicott.htm, truy cap ngky 30/8/2914.
TAP CHfTAM l y HOC, S6 12 (189), 12 - 2014
