7.4 C ATEGORIES DISCLOSING THE CHARACTERISTICS OF BEING THE PARENT OF AN
7.4.3 ADHD and the school experience
7.4.3.7 Parent strategies when interacting with the school
works, you know”. In Grade 4, Cathy was fortunate to get a teacher who is “very strict, but very empathic. And she was open to more.” When Eve was in the cottage school, Beth saw the effects of having an “unstructured” teacher. Eve had a teacher who was “very lovely”; however, there were “just no boundaries” and Eve just wasn’t achieving her best.
The teacher also needs to realise that the child with ADHD, might not conform to their standard. He or she should treat all children as individuals. Seeing the child as an individual means less pressure on the child to conform to the norm, the child’s uniqueness will be valued, and the teacher will take responsibility to make accommodations based on the child’s unique needs. Cathy is fortunate enough this year to have a teacher who treats her as an individual. She also knows not to pressurise or “bombard” Cathy, because then she goes: “Can’t do it”.
7.4.3.7 Parent strategies when interacting with the school
“They can’t believe a child can be ruled by the moods and the highs and the lows. Some days they’re up, some days they’re down; some minutes they are up and some minutes they are down.”
Communicate with teachers
Many of the parents find that talking to the teachers is a crucial way to advocate for their child. Participants found a variety of ways to talk to teachers – they dropped by to chat, scheduled meetings, called on the phone, wrote notes. Basically parents stated it was crucial for parents to be involved with their child’s school.
When it comes to dealing with the school, Mia is “just always there” (Mia’s emphasis). Mia believes that what happened with Kim in Grade 1 has “pushed” her to have a lot of contact with the school and go in and see the teachers a lot.
“You know what, nobody else is going to do it for my child, and if I’m not on top of it and chasing, then it’s not going to happen.”
Next year Mia wants to “leave” Lynn and “see if the teacher has an opinion”. Mia feels “you also give your children a stigma sometimes – that the teachers now look for problems”. But for Kim, Mia will still spend next year going in and checking on her.
Pat feels that dealing with the school, for her, is “actually quite easy” because she involves herself “in everything”. Pat makes sure the school knows “exactly what’s going on”:
“If his fish dies, I send his teacher an SMS and I say: ‘Listen his fish died this morning. Or the cat got run over. Or he broke a chair.’ Or whatever, you know what I mean.”
Pat involves herself with absolutely everything at school. She fetches John as much as she can and watches his activities.
Sandy makes sure she has “as much contact with the school as possible”. At the beginning of each year, Sandy goes in to see the teacher on the first day to tell them about Aidan having ADHD. Sandy writes notes to Aidan’s teacher in his homework book, and the teacher writes back. Sandy meets with the teacher during the year when necessary.
Gill and Dylan find Doug’s teachers to be fabulous because there is a lot of contact between teachers and parents, and Gill feels she can phone Doug’s teacher at any time.
At the beginning of every year, Michelle goes to their teachers and talks to them
“about what the children can and can’t have, and what they need to do”. Carrie too used to set up an appointment every year to discuss Luke’s ADHD.
Monitor homework
Parents believed an important strategy was to diligently monitor their child’s homework. Parents also try to find ways to streamline homework – such as doing homework at a set time, and trying to make sure the child copies down homework correctly. Parents also use things like monthly planners to assist the child to organise and complete assignments.
Belinda uses monthly planners for planning time for assignments: “planning is very important”. Mia does homework with the girls every afternoon. With Lynn she will do up to an hour-and-a-half’s worth of homework “and then we’d get up at half-past-four the next morning if she had a test the next day.” Lynn still doesn’t understand why she needs to start working for things like exams before the other children do. Mia is trying to show Lynn how to study and how to make notes. Even though Lynn “wants to learn”, if left on her own “she’ll look at that page and when I come back half-an- hour, twenty minutes, or an hour later, she’s still on the same page. She just ends up daydreaming; her mind wanders”. Mia admits to knowing “exactly what it feels like”
because she did the same. Mia feels she still has to sit there with Lynn and asks questions and help Lynn make notes. Mia feels Lynn “absorbs so much” when she does that, but if left “on her own she’s unable to do it”.
Michelle monitors the children’s homework “every, every afternoon” (Michelle’s emphasis). Rose would read all Eugene’s notes to him, even when she didn’t understand a word of them.
Sandy and Aidan do homework at a set time Monday to Thursday. After school, Sandy will make lunch for Aidan while he gets changed and puts his school clothes out for the next day. While Aidan eats his lunch, Sandy will go through his school bag
“to see what rubbish he’s put in his bag, what he’s collected off the playground, and I go through his books”. Sandy checks Aidan’s homework diary and checks for any
notices. Once Aidan has eaten they start homework. Sandy cannot leave Aidan to work on his own: “I’ll come back and he is everywhere. He’s checking this out, and he’s playing with the cat, and he’s doodled on his pages.” Once Aidan has finished homework he has to pack his bag for the following day. Only then is he allowed to go play. Aidan also has white boards up in his room and each week he and Sandy write the words for the week on them – “the difficult words, the spelling words he got wrong in his spelling test that week.”
Pat willingly does extra homework from the therapists with John. Pat has even taken a lower paying job, which entails less after-hour work and being away from John. It means she can be “there (Pat’s emphasis) for John”. Samantha actually stopped working before Claudia started school “to get her ready for school”, and “be there” for her. Samantha works with Claudia every day.
If the child is not experiencing success in the classroom then the parent often assumes more of the teaching work, or resorts to finding a tutor for the child. Mia finds that Maths is a big problem for Lynn and Kim. Now that Lynn is in Grade 5, Mia finds she can no longer help with Maths homework. She admits “we’ve had many days where I’ve helped them with their homework and they get the whole lot wrong”.
Mia now has a maths teacher who comes once a week and helps Lynn with extra maths. Sandy is now going to have to send Aidan to extra maths lessons because he battles so much.
Carrie has always worked intensively with the boys. She bought all the textbooks that the teachers use and the extra workbooks that go with them, and she believes that is how the boys have got through school. Carol admits she helps the boys out on projects. She feels projects are “an absolute waste of time” and so she “will (Carrie’s emphasis) help them”: “Because if they can score a better mark on a project, it buffers them for a test where they don’t do well”. Carrie makes both boys “start learning for cycle tests a lot earlier than the other kids. So they do more repeats of the actual work - for some of it to go in.” Luke now also has his own study at home.
Zelda, in particular, had experienced a lack of co-operation from teachers in setting up a system related to organisational needs and homework – maybe because they view the child’s inability to succeed in these areas as a lack of responsibility or laziness. Zelda tried to deal with the school over Karl not writing homework down properly. Zelda needs to know exactly what must be done for homework, so that she
can make sure that is what goes back to school. Zelda met with Karl’s teachers and it was decided that every day, after every subject, he would have to write down the homework and the teacher would have to sign it. It didn’t work “too nicely”. Karl ended up being late for the next class and she feels the teachers just thought it was
“extra stuff for them”.
Present a united front
Belinda feels it was important for her to have Rob’s support, and to have him with her so they could present a “united front”. Belinda believes it makes a big difference if you both (Belinda’s emphasis) go to see the teachers:
“Somehow they think women are, you know, you’re over-emotional -which perhaps I have been. And with Rob being there there’s a balance, you know.
Maybe at times I am emotional and then with Rob being there, they can actually address him. And I know Rob knows what the whole story is, so he can deal with it, you know.”
Fight
Eugene found writing to be “taxing”. His Grade 6 teacher allowed him to print, but his Grade 7 teacher dug her heels in and said that the syllabus demanded cursive writing. Mike and Rose had to get permission from the head of department for him to carry on printing. In high school, Eugene could not finish exams, so Rose and Mike got permission from the school for Eugene to have extra time in exams. When the time came, they applied for Eugene to have more time in Matric. The school were not supportive of the application, but Rose fought on and Eugene got more time. Rose feels that parents “have to be prepared to fight for their rights” and must not allow themselves to be intimidated.