7.4 C ATEGORIES DISCLOSING THE CHARACTERISTICS OF BEING THE PARENT OF AN
7.4.4 Parents’ concerns and hopes for their ADHD child
7.4.4.2 Parents’ views of the future
When Linda looks into Ruth’s future, she believes Ruth “won’t let anybody control her. She wants what she wants”. Linda believes that Ruth is an Indigo child: “High- spirited, fun loving, fearless – this is the Indigo child. That’s Ruth”. Linda believes she has proof of Ruth being an Indigo child because a photo taken of Ruth’s aura clearly shows it to be “blue and violet”. Ruth just wants “to have fun all the time”: “They want to go on Space Mountain – the ride at Disney World – all the time.”
Johan is currently working with his father in the family asphalting business. Marie feels “he’s doing very, very well”. At the moment it seems Johan will stay with Marie’s husband in the business: “He’s really enjoying it and he really wants to learn the ropes of the business”. Johan asked to go into the business; Marie and Leon “didn’t want to force him into the work.” They also agreed that he start work on the lowest level at a basic salary. Marie and Leon believe: “Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.”
Mia believes that her girls have to “learn to become a structured person, you have to be a person that is diligent”. Mia does not feel they are there yet. Mia is trying to “give them the skills now” and trying to teach them to plan time. Mia does not believe either of the girls will go to university. This doesn’t concern her – “as long as they are happy”. Neither Mia nor Dave finished school and she feels they have “always been fine”. She believes the girls must find something that they are good at and passionate about and they’ll “take it from there”. Mia does not want to “push them to be something that they can never ever be” and “give them expectations that they can never live up to”.
Pat does not believe that John is “varsity material”. John is “very good on the computer”. He loves cooking, he loves animals and he is very good with his hands.
Pat feels he will probably work with his hands one day. Pat believes that if John’s energy or interest is “channelled in the right thing he will be okay”. Although Pat doesn’t expect John to go to university, she feels “that is not the norm; that is not what society dictates. Society dictates you will go and be a doctor, or this, or that.”
Pat hopes that “society will one day realise that these kids are different; he’s unique;
he’s special”.
Samantha admits that she does “worry about her (Claudia’s) future”. Samantha would like her to finish matric, “and I’m sure if we carry on we will”. Claudia has dreams of going to Paris and becoming an actress or a model. Although Samantha
doesn’t know if Claudia has “got confidence to do things like that”, Claudia did do modelling in the past and “she loved it”. Claudia is also “good with her hands and she’s arty”. That is one of the reasons that Samantha has started the arts and crafts shop. Samantha is hoping that Claudia “can grow into it - that’s if she wants to. I don’t know if she wants to, but she can cope with the arty stuff.”
Beth believes that intellectually Eve has the ability to go to university, and also feels that Eve “needs a tertiary education”. Beth has panicked about it: “She’s never going to have what she needs to be able to.” One of the teachers at Eve’s current school did a lot to reassure Beth.
“She said by the time Eve gets to that age she is going to be fine, and she will have to work on her own anyway, and that’s really what she’s best at, and just relax you know.”
Beth believes this advice helped her to relax about Eve’s education. Beth believes
“it’s a good idea to get advice from practical people who have been there before”.
Both Gill and Dylan see Doug going into some sort of trade. Gill admits she wants Doug to be a horticulturist. She feels he seems to “lean in that direction” and she will
“encourage him” as much as she possibly can. Doug has all his own gardening equipment; and whenever Dylan or the gardener is busy in the garden, Doug is there too. “So if this love of gardening holds then, ja, maybe it’s an option for him.” Gill concludes: “I reckon that Doug is going to be fine, you know.” “I know in my heart he will achieve.”
Luke’s friends are all talking about going to university. Carrie is not sure that Luke is going to be able to get the marks to get into university, and if he does go, she is not sure he will cope. Carrie finds it “heart sore” to have to, on the one hand, “show him what reality is”, but on the other hand, “not to shatter their dreams”. “Luke works really well with his hands not with his brain”. Carrie feels there is “nothing wrong with that, but he doesn’t see it like that”.
Rose believes that “the ADHD child can be raised successfully” because “there is a great deal of potential and there are possibilities”.
“Our greatest wish is that with full maturity, Eugene learns to understand, control and love himself; that he learns to motivate and organise himself; that he finds something that will give him satisfaction and the minimum of stress
and anxiety, whilst earning a living; that he finds someone special who will understand, accept and love him; and, above all, that he will learn how to unselfishly and gently care for and truly love that person in return.”