7.4 C ATEGORIES DISCLOSING THE CHARACTERISTICS OF BEING THE PARENT OF AN
7.4.2 ADHD and family life
7.4.2.3 Sibling issues
The interaction conflicts in families with ADHD children are not limited only to parent- child interactions. Increased conflicts have been observed between ADHD children and their siblings relative to normal child-sibling dyads (Mash & Johnston, 1983;
Taylor, Sandberg, Thorley & Giles, 1991).
Three of the parents in this study only have one child. In the families where there is more than one child, a number of problems are evident. Three of the parents (Brenda, Samantha and Sandy) actually try to pre-empt problems by talking about and explaining the condition to the non-ADHD sibling.
The ADHD child often annoys siblings and sibling conflict occurs. Marie finds that Johan is always picking a fight with his sister. “If she wants to watch this programme, he wants to watch another programme and he always wins.” Marie admits that she doesn’t “know how to address it”. At times, Johan’s sister appears to just not “like him much”; even though Marie believes “she really loves him”. The siblings “don’t interact that much”. Marie admits that she “would have liked them to be a brother and sister that go out together”, but that is not the case. They also have their own friends. Marie believes her daughter “doesn’t really want to get too involved, because if they do engage in some activity there’s always a fight”.
Claudia and her brother “don’t really get along” and Samantha reports that they “fight like cat and dog”. Samantha reasons that that “is normal for siblings; that’s fine”.
Samantha believes that Claudia’s brother “does understand about her having ADHD”, as Samantha has spoken to him about it.
Aidan and his sister “fight like cat and dog”. Sandy does not believe that the almost six-year age gap is the issue. It depresses Sandy that the two fight so much. Sandy has tried to explain “extensively” to her daughter why Aidan behaves the way he does. At one time, Sandy’s daughter accused Sandy of treating Aidan differently to her.
Zelda finds there is a lot of sibling rivalry between Karl and his sister. Zelda works all day and when she is at home she feels there is a constant struggle between the two to get her attention. Because of the ADHD, Zelda does spend more time with Karl and she thinks her daughter “resents that”. So, although Zelda does tend to spend most of her time with Karl, she makes a conscious decision to try to spend time alone with her daughter, so she doesn’t feel neglected.
In some cases the sibling actually wants nothing to do with the ADHD child. In Angela’s household, Colin basically ignores Tina, unless she approaches him.
“There’s as little contact as Colin can help”. Angela tries her hardest to protect Colin from her, “because I think he’s been through so much with her”.
Both of Carrie’s boys have ADHD. When they “were younger they got on quite well”, and Carrie even used to pride herself on “how well they got on”. Now “they don’t like to be together” and they “don’t like to do things together”. The boys “only tolerate
each other” and “they don’t connect”. Carrie believes it is an “age thing”: “It’s like Luke just got that little bit too old for Peter and his peers”.
In Michelle’s home, where there is more than one child with ADHD, negative sibling interactions are frequent and intense. Things also escalate very quickly. Michelle feels that her children “don’t get on very well”, “especially the oldest two”. “They will be playing beautifully one minute and the next minute there will be an explosion. And screaming. They stand and scream at each other. They lay into each other.”
Michelle feels “you cannot try and reason with them when they are in that state. You just have to kind of separate them”. For Michelle the “sibling rivalry is hellish”.
In Gill and Dylan’s case the effect of Doug’s ADHD on his sister was severe. Terri is a “very sensitive little child”. Terri came to Gill one day in tears and said: “Mommy, I just actually can’t deal with it anymore.” Terri said to Gill: “Something has to be done about that boy.” Gill admits it was the first time that “it actually hit home what it was doing to her (Gill’s emphasis)”. Because Terri is the older of the two children, Gill would expect her to be “the more responsible of the two”. So Doug would do all sorts of things, and Terri would get moaned at: “Why didn’t you stop him; why didn’t you do this; why didn’t you?” Gill realises now that Terri is not the parent and it’s not her job to control her brother. Gill realises now that the situation “was affecting Terri badly”: “I think even more than it was affecting me and Dylan”.
For some of the parents, there are no problems with regard to siblings. Brenda finds that Conor and Brad have “a good interaction”. Conor does ask Brad for help a lot though, and Brenda feels this is “a bit demanding for a teenager”. Because of the big age difference, Brad does not always want Conor around him. If Brad has a friend visiting, Brenda will try and get one of Conor’s friends over to give Brad “some space”. Brenda does find Brad to be helpful with Conor and sees him as part of her support system. Brenda has explained to Brad about Conor’s ADHD. She has also asked Brad to be careful what he says to Conor, because he does have a low self- image and “no confidence”.
Belinda believes her children “get on”. There is “no hate”, even though they bug the hell out of each other”. Evan is very protective over his younger brother, Frank.
Linda feels that Reese is the “most wonderful companion” for Ruth, because he’s prepared to let her “take the lead”. Ruth, however can be “very nasty” to Reese and is jealous of Reese.
Mia believes that although her girls are very “different personalities”, they generally get on “very, very well”, although they have their “tiffs and fights”.
Research points to the likelihood of the siblings of an ADHD child having ADHD too.
Biederman and colleagues found the risk to biological siblings of the ADHD children to be approximately 32% (Biederman, Faraone & Lapey, 1992; Biederman, Keenan
& Faraone, 1990; Pauls, 1991; Welner, Welner, Stewart, Palkes & Wish, 1977). In the current study, Mia, Michelle and Carrie all have more than one ADHD child.
Belinda also has two ADHD children, but they are not biological siblings.