MORAL SEXUAL TEACHING
6.2 Zulu Culture
an appointed teacher. The home was the place where the child got his or her first education about life.
6.2.2 The role of 'advisors'
In a traditional Zulu setting the parents play a key role in the upbringing of their child until a certain stage of the growth of the child. The role of the parents becomes secondary after the young man's experience of a wet dream for the first time and the young woman's first menstruation. A feast would be held in honour the young man or the young woman, as he or she has become a man or woman. This is called ukuthomba. Itis at this time that the parents appoint iqhikiza or
ingqwele13. The role of these advisors is to continue with the human and social development of the young person.' These advisors, together with the parents, are responsible for preparing the young person to take his or her rightful place in
society. Under the supervision of the advisors, young people are taught how to look after themselves, how to be responsible members of society and how to relate with people of the opposite sex. Itis the duty of the advisors to ensure that these young people understand their culture and are disciplined. Iqhikiza is involved in the life of the young woman even before she decides to be in a relationship. The young woman would be taught how to avoid young men who might be looking for a
relationship from her, how to talk to those who show interest in her and how to keep herself attractive. Iqhikiza would have to give permission for her to be in a
relationship. After the permission is given the young woman tells the young man to go to the iqhikiza.Itisthe iqhikiza who would respond to the young man on behalf of the young woman. Itis a sign of bad character for a young woman to accept the proposal of a young man herself She is also supposed to keep the young man waiting for a long time before she decides to be in a relationship withhim.
Ingqwele schools the young man in good behaviour. Thisincludes teaching the young man how to look after himself, how to keep himself neat and how to look after a young woman. He is reminded that he is now a man. Hehasto let go of all the childish ways of doing things and to start to behave like a man. He is to be diligent in looking after cattle and ensure that his fields are always well kept. The
13Zulu names for advisors of young people.
relationship that exists between the young person and the advisor is one of openness and transparency, where they discuss taboos, good and acceptable behaviour, where the advisor arranges for the first contact between the young woman and the one who is proposing for a relationship. Above
all
the advisor has to make sure that the young woman is well behaved, and that she does not get involved in sexual intercourse before i/obolol4 is paid. Iqhikizaaccompanies the young woman throughall
the different stages of life, until she is finally incorporated into the family of the husband after marriage.6.2.3 The role of the extended family and the community
In the traditional society the family and the immediate community played a
very important role in the growth of a young person. This is clearly demonstrated by the role that the family and the immediate community played in the rites of passage, from ukuzalwa(birth), throughukuthomba(adolescence), to umgcagco (marriage) untilukufa(death). In all these rites the whole community takes part and assists the family in whatever way possible. Anexample of this is when the young man
reaches the stage ofukuqoma(establishing a relationship with the prospect of getting married). A white cloth is hoisted at the entrance of the young man's homestead(ukubekwa kwendwangu emhlophe). The family starts organising a feast in honour of their son. This flag is an automatic invitation to everybody in the village to help with the preparations for the feast and to attend. Such a support by the family and the wider community instils in the young person a sense of pride and belonging. In this way all the villagers would be involved in the welfare of the young person.Itis precisely the role of the family in the life of the young person that assists with the counselling that is needed should a person have problems within his or her marriage. The extended family has many possibilities of choosing who one can confide in,and share with, whatever they wanted to entrust to them.
14Bn e-pnceoOd °
6.2.4 Pre-marital relations
I will use this idea to refer to the idea of two people having a loving relationship, supporting and caring for one another, wanting to grow together without exploiting each other through having sexual intercourse. In the traditional Zulu society the young man and the young woman were expected to be together at certain times.
When they were together they were expected to do certain things together. Their togetherness was supported by the family and the community. At the beginning of their relationship, when the young woman accepts the proposal for a relationship from the young man, there is ueu ceremony. This is a feast where the young man and the young woman exchange gifts as a sign ofloving one another. Other young people from the community attend this feast and offer their gifts. This is a way of bringing the two young people together, to have fun without engaging in sexual intercourse. There would also be a time when the young man and the young woman who are in a relationship would have to be alone together. This always happened under the watchful eye ofiqhikiza. This time together is called ukubambanisa.
where the young man and the young woman would share their feelings and emotions. This would be a difficult time for both the young man and the young woman, as they would have to be intimate, without having sex. The young man was taught that ifhe can't control his feelings anymore he should rather masturbate on the thighs of the woman than have sexual intercourse with her. The young man would have to show his power by physically being on top of the woman, without sexual intercourse. Should the young man force himself upon the young woman and have sex with her, he would have to pay a penalty. That would also be a bad reflection on the woman, as she would be seen as a young woman without a strong character. The young man would also have doubts about the integrity of the young woman, as she might be sexually involved with other men in the absence of the husband. In the Zulu traditional society young people were encouraged to be together and there were ways of giving expression to their sexual urges, without direct sexual intercourse. Young men were allowed to masturbate by themselves on the thighs of the young woman.